
1) When someone shows you who they are, believe them: A self-committed do-gooder, I cannot help but to believe that people can change. It’s true, they can…but only if they acknowledge it themselves, and commit to the change. I have seen it happen this year in several inspiring cases, and I’ve seen it continue to not happen in the case of many others in my life. At a certain point, you just have to see the person for who they are, accept it, and if need be, let it go. When I saw Oprah mention this in her Lifeclass, I recalled how this kind of truth had yet to lead me astray.
2) You usually know what to do, if you are willing to reflect on it: “Should I run today?” “I really shouldn’t be lazy and watch a movie tonight when I can get something productive done.” “Should I apologize and try to patch things up with my parent/sibling/friend even though they are in the wrong?” “Is this the year to move to that big, new city, even though I’m scared out of my wits?” We usually know what we need to do to take care of ourselves, advance personal growth and be a good friend/neighbor/colleague/family member. It’s doing it in the moment that can be the biggest challenge. If we can take a moment to reflect and consult our inner “Jiminy Cricket.” Beyond the inside banter and deafening opinions of others, the answer is always there; silently waiting for you to listen.
3) Go to the source. Whether you need advice on what to do on an important issue in your life, require guidance on a medical treatment, or just need accurate information…go to the source – the experts, the professionals – people who have initials after their name and a proven track record, if possible. If I’d relied on the advice of my friends at the time in a specific conundrum, I would have endured greater struggle, and certainly wouldn’t have found the right information I needed. Instead, I followed my gut and found my way to the source. Sometimes when we start to question something, we ask our friends or family haphazardly and they are all too willing to share their opinion. That’s not the problem; it’s good that everyone has an opinion. The trouble starts when we take what they say as “fact.” Facts are indisputable and evidence-based, not flagrant opinions. So the lesson is, if you have health symptoms and notice it enough that it bothers you, you are not a hypochondriac. Go see a doctor, then feel free to tell your friend.
4) Ask for what you want. I have found in my years of searching, listening, observing…that most complaints stem from an unspoken desire or request. We’ve been taught that it’s bad to want, but unfulfilled desire mostly leads to suffering. Heck, half the time, we don’t even want what we think we want, we just need to communicate it to someone. Here’s a great article that discusses how to develop your “want muscle” (hint: it starts with speaking). It’s taken a long time for me to get here, but if I want my boyfriend to communicate with me more frequently, I just ask him instead of spending my time trying to send cosmic waves to his brain, hoping he will magically sense the request and change his behavior. My odds of success are much higher.
5) Pride is never worth it. It may not be a secret that I’m a Jane Austen fan, and no classic has had more widespread success than her “Pride & Prejudice” – perhaps because so many people can identify with it. We refuse to forgive, or we say that we forgive but we refuse to forget, not realizing that can be even worse, because we are now under the delusion that we have forgiven that person and can cross it off our list while silently resenting that person who may have caused us hurt. We toss around heavy words and blame with great satisfaction on our lips – believing wholly we are right. Guess what; you can be right and alone, or you can be wrong and happy. I choose happy…and I’m proud of it.
6) Take care of you. This sounds cliché, I know, but when I say “take care of you,” I don’t just mean in the areas of clothing, food, shelter, exercise, health, but in the ways we are not taught. There is a philosophy I share with one of my closest friends, Shawn, which we entitled “self-preservation.” In short, if someone is constantly tearing you down, judging you, causing you to question your gut (true gut, not prideful gut) feelings, then you may need to consider that your time with that person has lived out its purpose and you can let it go. This is hopefully, of course, after you have communicated your feelings to them and providing adequate opportunity for behavior change. If the offenses continue again and again, consider that it has nothing to do with you, but there is simple incompatibility – as in, they are not compatible in the life you are committed to leading. By eliminating the negativity in your life, you instantly increase your happiness and peace of mind. There’s a big difference between friends/family who care for you and give helpful (albeit, sometimes unwelcome) advice, and a peanut gallery. Life is hard enough as it is, without having hecklers to jeer your every move. If you are having trouble figuring out whether or not to take this kind of action, I know it’s tough…imagine what your life might be like without that person. If you feel lighter just thinking about it, you have your answer, and then do what you have to do to take care of you.
7) Now is the time. Ever wanted to climb a mountain? Train for a half-marathon? Start cycling? Stop smoking? Learn a new language? Travel to China? Move to a new city? Leave an unhappy relationship (more bad than good, and beyond fixing, as in been-to-counseling-and-back)? Are you also trying to figure out the best time to do it? The answer is now. A new year is upon us, the glorious 2012. There is no time like the present to conquer that fear, climb that mountain, take on something that scares up the courage deep inside of you.
“Life is not a dress rehearsal. Stop practicing what you are going to do and just go do it. In one bold stroke you can transform today.” - Marilyn Grey

Happy New Year!